How did it take me so long to realize that I need emotional rest? Here are five simple tools I use to find that rest.
What is it about emotional rest?
We need emotional rest the same way we need food, sleep, and good shelter. We cannot be facing hard things all the time; we become exhausted. I don’t know why it took me so long to realize I need this.
For years I felt irritable without being able to pinpoint why. I didn’t realize that my inability to process emotions was a major source of this irritation. So, unwieldy emotions would simmer away below the surface, undetected. And when they did surface, I worked hard keeping them down because I found them unacceptable. But eventually, I learned that shoving hard emotions under the surface was not working. Instead, they seemed to gain momentum, just waiting to sabotage my peace of mind at the worst possible moments. This led to some embarrassing situations.
That was hard, but those experiences were also good because they pressed me to get help. Now, I notice my emotions and spend time working them through. This has been a game-changer. Strong emotions drain my energy, but when I take time to work them through, I find a fresh perspective for facing situations that used to spin me out. I find emotional rest and I recharge.
Tools that help me find emotional rest:
Pause – this comes first. To gain strength, I quiet myself in my surroundings, breathe slowly, and pray for God to help my perspective and grant me insight. If this doesn’t settle me, I go outside and name five things I see, five things I hear, and five sensations I feel. This helps me ground in time and space.
Listen – For me, I need a pen and paper. If the weather is right, I sit outside to do this part (I feel more grounded outside). Sitting quietly, I become open to feeling the emotions. Sometimes, I even write, “Welcome feelings. I am ready to hear what you have to say.” Then, I write every possible thing these chaotic emotions might be trying to say. Draw how they feel in the body. The key here is not to edit or evaluate – not yet anyway. The goal is simply to let the emotions say what they want to say.
Name them to tame them – For example, “I feel anger, disappointment, sadness, and fear. Welcome, you are part of my story now. I hear you.” Naming them helps separate them so that we can take them one at a time.
Thank them – I used to fight my emotions as if they were enemies trying to ambush me. Now I find it much more rewarding to welcome them as teachers and allies. They help me discover who I am, what I value, and the information I may be missing.
Release them – place each one lovingly, as a priceless possession, into God’s care. God can determine what we need to know and do next. God is for us, and our experiences are safe in God’s hands.
How this helps
Through this simple process, I’ve gained insight into who I am and what I value. Sometimes I get clarity about why a situation isn’t working for me. Lots of times, I catch sight of one little change I can make that might flow better for me. and always, it helps to find a community I can connect with. Our details differ, but our feelings are so similar. This has helped me, and I hope it helps you too.
Affirm
Today, I will turn in directions that meet my needs, create freedom from agitation, and bring productivity and energy.
