Some situations feel so volatile. How do we keep serenity as our highest priority when we encounter a volatile situation?
Here’s what I’m learning.
I’m not good with conflict. Some people seem able to navigate well, but I’m not one of them. When I’m highly uncomfortable, I squirm to get away.
When I moved into my condominium after mostly living in houses, I was appalled to discover that I could hear arguments in surrounding homes. This was not good news. I’ve never met the woman who lives directly above me, but I have heard her a lot, and she scares me. Yesterday her angry outburst was loud, and it was long. I could not hear the words – well, a few pointed words got through – but I could hear the anger, the emotion.
Often on late-night telephone calls, I hear loud, sobbing conversations, and I have heard her angry outbursts at her roommate, whose bedroom is right above mine. The roommate seems calm and steady; I have never heard him lash back at her. I do not understand their relationship, and it is none of my business…except for the walls are thinner than they realize.
Distress indicates to me she may feel unheard, unloved, and misunderstood. I sense her frustration as repeatedly she goes at her situation in the same way. I have been there and done that. It is highly frustrating because it doesn’t work. There must be a better way!
“Your love, O LORD, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies.”
~Psalm 36:5
It also reaches to the upstairs neighbor. But not through me yet…since I’m afraid, I don’t want to stick my nose into that beehive.
Thoughts on Reacting
I react when situations overwhelm my ability to respond ~ when I feel trapped, misunderstood, or helpless. Adding un-tempered emotion to a volatile situation makes it worse. I can’t make her get help. I can desire it for her – it would transform her situation, whatever it is. And I can pray for the presence of God in her house. God calls her Beloved; how can I do any less? You never know what God will do, but in my experience, God will be kind and reach out with healing at the deepest level of who she is.
I can love others without endangering myself or enabling them. I can encourage the person, not the problem. I can search for and find deep good in people, drawing attention to it, and encouraging such goodness to surface. Adding tools and a power greater than ourselves often settles a situation. How?
I can bless – I have begun blessing her. “I bless you, neighbor, wherever you are, whatever you are doing, whoever you are with, whatever you are thinking and feeling, I bless you.”
I can pray – my own attitude matters so much. As I ask God to provide what she most needs, my heart softens, fear subsides, and compassion grows.
I can get curious – turning the situation to God’s care, I wonder, how will God love her today? She is in for a treat if she has enough awareness to see it…
Adding heat to metal makes it stronger. Adding water and oil to wood makes it flexible and beautiful. Adding prayer, steps, and faith to impossible situations is a slow and beautiful process, not to be missed. Open the door for God to do that thing God does. That is enough for right now, today.
Beautiful Julie!! I work in customer service for a health care organization and get some very angry people on the phone. I try not to let it affect me, but some days are hard. I say a prayer for them too and for their family and friends. I attribute most of their anger as fear for their health issue and how are they going to pay for their medical bill. I really am proud of you and your encouraging words.
Patty, thank you for your encouraging words. It is hard to stay positive when people are volatile. Fear is the culprit usually. Bless you friend!