Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or discouraged… ~2 Chronicles 32:7
I don’t want to spend another minute caught in fear. I have spent days, weeks, months in fear, and I can honestly say it has not made my life one speck better. Fear drains courage and energy. I don’t want it to control me anymore. And so, I’ve been on a journey of letting go of fear.
A lady called the practice yesterday asking us to force her friend (our patient) to see a specialist for our patient’s chronic health issue. Boy, do I understand that pressing need to make other people do the thing we want them to do. I feel my anxiety shoot through the roof every time someone close to me does not do what I think is best. We so long for others to be free from their problems. But I wonder whether a bigger problem is that deep down, we want them to change so that our fear will be relieved. Does that resonate? Maybe this hasn’t happened to you but it has definitely happened to me!
MY journey has taught me: fear is very real. I have wondered, will it EVER go away?? The answer is yes, it will go away. But the path away from fear feels counter-intuitive. It begins by learning to make different decisions. At the beginning of my journey, I wrote, “I can’t make my desired outcome happen (fill in THAT blank), but I CAN learn not to walk in fear.”
Yes! That’s inviting!
Here’s the magic question to consider:
What would happen if I let go of the outcome and invite God to have free rein?
It takes courage to find out, but it’s worth the risk. Fear doesn’t HAVE to hold me down. I can have fearful moments, but I can also make decisions to move me through. One step at a time, I set about moving forward and the icy grip of fear begins letting up.
Here are the steps I value most:
- Let go and let God – if my idea of God is not strong enough for me to trust, then I need a better understanding of God.
- Trust your support system. We NEED a TRUSTWORTHY support system. This is critical: we need a perspective greater than our own. Al-anon has been great in this regard. These people have been through a lot, and many of them have discovered healthy ways to live through challenging circumstances. Find people who can relate to your challenge. We’re never the only ones going through something. Talking about concerns with safe people as been life changing for me. It cuts the power of the fear down to size.
- Embrace powerlessness: I am not responsible for the decisions other adults make. Trying to “fix them” keeps me stuck. I cannot control, cure, or fix another person. When I back off, I allow them the dignity they need to make it on their own. Their dignity comes when I let go.
- Find the root issue: What am I MOST afraid of? Can I let others feel what they need to feel? Their story affects me, so what do I need to do to be healthy. It is enough to identify and take care of what I need. Fear makes me feel like a tiny child, but I’m not. I’m an adult with the power to choose good, orderly direction. I have room for growth here.
- Make the decision to let go of control – even though I’m afraid. God has something to teach me here. Whenever I let go and let God have space to work, I find good surprises. Fear loses its icy grip. God draws close with lots of comfort from surprising people when I sit up and take notice. Fresh opportunities show up in ways I didn’t expect.
Mainly I’ve learned that it (whatever it is) doesn’t all depend on me. And that’s sweet relief. When I let go and let God, I learn that I’m going to be okay. I’m in safe hands. God has my back. When I came to my senses and realized, “THIS IS OUT OF MY HANDS,” I was then able to make wise decisions that eased my fear and stopped the skyrocketing anxiety. This is MUCH healthier.
Letting go of expectations
It’s had to let go of how I want this situation to turn out. But here’s what I know: STEPS belong to me and I will take the wisest step I can, but OUTCOMES belong to God. When I pray, “God, I can’t do it, but you can.” and then I leave space and time for God to do whatever God desires to do, I find that I no longer desire pushing my agenda. Agenda-pushing feels like pushing a box of rocks up a steep mountain. It drains my energy. When I let go and let God, good things happen. I trust that God is capable, creative, and willing to help. Pressing my agenda never works the way I think it will. It’s a damaging approach that needs to go.
Today, I feel grateful. I still have fearful moments, but I no longer feel trapped by fear. This daily attitude check helps me stay clear of fear:
Daily attitude check
- Am I trying to control something that’s unmanageable?
- Can I let go?
- Where can I ask God’s help?
- Is there a relationship I can turn over to God’s guidance?
God has a plan that God reveals one day at a time. I find it through surrendering to God’s will. My anxiety level is directly connected to how much control I’m trying to have. When I trust that God sees the big picture, what we need, and how we need to get there, I do better.
MAY you, too, find healthy ways through fear. BLESSINGS on your journey!
